20091013

I GOT YOU, BABE.



I am a Fox.
I am supposed to die.
If there is anything difficult,
if there is anything dangerous,
that is mine to do.



I bought a watch today. A very special watch. It works, but it doesn't run. I bought it knowing there was no battery. I set the hands to indicate a certain time that never ticks away. Here now, at 12:57 AM, it's partly cloudy, there's a very subtle chill, and it's 4:44 PM. And at 8:30 PM, when I was at dinner, mid-conversation, it was 4:44 PM. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up around 11, and it'll be 4:44 PM. Because 4:44 PM is my time of birth, and if I'm always being born, I will never die.

Because, you see, I don't believe in death. Or, wait, hold the phone. Those were not the words. I ... uh ... oh ... Well, I'll use storytelling to explain my stance on the matter.

It was Isis and Osiris. Isis was a clever girl. In fact, she was the only one to ever learn the Ruler's true name, and she was able to achieve this by playing a clever trick on him. But it was an honest trick, and she was greatly honored for her accomplishment. And it was Isis and Osiris.

And when Osiris died, Isis shapeshifted into a kite and, with her tiny wings, kept flapping until life itself blew back into his body. And, with those small, stale seconds of renewed life, he gave the world the hawk-headed god, Horus. A new warrior chief was born from dark circumstance. And Osiris accepted death. And Isis let him die. And Horus rose out of that shadow.

But even in death, Osiris was never gone.

Because the afterlife needed a voice, and he was to fill this role.

The way I see it, there are two kinds of people messing around on this planet, and they're all waiting to perform "death".

One Person is living, and for that reason, they must teach themselves to die. Throughout this process, this One Person will lose it All. And this person will continue to "lose it All" many times throughout their life. Sometimes several times throughout their day. Maybe every day. For a terrible, heart-wrenching long time. The speed is relative to the individual, and it is, by nature, in a constant state of flux. And you ask, How do you get to Carnegie Hall? And the answer is, Practice. The living must train before they can finally unclench the muscle and let go, and learn to die. But once they build that kind of strength, they'll learn to rely on muscle memory, and they'll find that the act of clenching and unclenching seems to happen willfully.

The Second Person represents the living dead. The living dead have the awesome task of learning to be alive. But awesome task also comes with awesome responsibility. Their test is to show up for the test on time. To be there. To say the words. To open their dead eyes and not only feel their world, but be in it with the rest of us. And in seeing the world, they will learn that they're never alone. And finally take comfort in that.


Luckily, "we" as a team have many great players on both sides. The living dead can teach the living to die gracefully, no matter the situation. Dash the name of the poison. What matters is the medicine. And, in return, the living will teach the living dead to be alive. Because, in life - the whole of life, like a coin with two faces - the chance of union is more important than the union itself. Energy is where we are. And, at all times, Potential Energy is the gift we leave behind.

The give and take of Involvement is interesting, because to learn it, you must first find your place.

And, when you do, you realize that you're a borrower. And that you have no designated place. But instead, you have to build it, and make your place. Your place finds you, but to keep it you have to try.

So if there is anything impossible, it's "being gone". Even in being away, you're never gone.

Whatever energy I use to control the muscles in my face that illustrate the way I think I feel, or shovel broken glass off of the ground, or slowly and deliberately move a pink cotton ball from the surface of a table to the inside of a box, or set the time on a watch with no battery. That magic force I can't see. It's only fair to assume is as much a representation of Me as is my body, or my poetry, or as all the trash that accumulates around me. Except that it's magic, and my belief in that miracle will carry not only me, but everyone I know and love. And I will die at 4:44 PM, my time of birth, and I will never be dead and gone.

So it isn't death I don't believe in. Because the things I don't believe in have never mattered to me. I've never needed them, so I can't even see them. They simply aren't there. And that is that.

It's funny ... See? Well, I suppose you can't see it, so you'll just have to believe me. The watch I mentioned. You know, the one I bought today. Well, I was just sitting here typing, and the old strap just ... broke! It just gave way, and the whole thing fell right off my wrist! What about that! Almost as if the whole thing were scripted ... But you know what I'm gonna do about it?

Tomorrow I'll replace the strap.

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